Before drilling, we tell new students the same thing. Whatever you do to your partner, don't forget, it's their turn next.
It's a joke. It's also not.
New students don't know their strength yet. They don't know how much pressure is too much. They don't know how tight is too tight or how fast is too fast. The joke is a soft way of saying something serious.
You're about to teach your partner what's allowed. You crank an armbar because you got excited, and you just told your partner that cranking is fine. You slam out of a submission because you panicked, and you just told your partner that slamming is fine. They'll remember. And the next time you're on the bottom, they'll use exactly what you taught them.
This isn't about being soft. It's about understanding that every rep is a conversation, and you go first. Whatever you do, whether you meant to or not, gives the other person permission to do the same to you.
Last week I wrote about learning to understand the difference between a clumsy partner and a dangerous one. This week, look at yourself. Before you worry about someone else's behavior, look at your own. You're setting the tone for every round. Be the partner you want to train with.
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